* What's the capital of Iceland ? - About £3.50.

* How do you define optimism? A banker who irons five shirts on a Sunday.

* Why have estate agents stopped looking out of the window in the morning?  Because otherwise they'd have nothing to do in the afternoon.

* What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza? The pizza can still feed a family of four.

* As a surprise, a chief exec's wife pops by his office. She finds him in an unorthodox position, with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitation, he starts dictating: '. . . and in conclusion, gentlemen, credit crunch or no credit crunch, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair'.

* What's the difference between an investment banker and a pigeon?  The pigeon is still capable of leaving a deposit on a new Ferrari.

*A lobbyist on his way home from Parliament is stuck in traffic.  Noticing a police officer, he winds down his window and asks: 'What's the hold-up?' The policeman replies: 'The Prime Minister is so depressed he's stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself with petrol and set himself on fire. He says no one believes he can get us through the credit crunch, so we're taking up a collection for him.' The lobbyist asks: 'How much have you got so far?' The officer replies: 'About 40 gallons, but a lot of people are still siphoning.'

* The credit crunch has helped me get back on my feet. The car's been repossessed.

* Latest news: The Isle of Dogs bank has collapsed - they've called in the retrievers.

* What do you say to a hedge fund manager who can't sell anything?  A Quarter-pounder with fries, please.

* Bradford & Bingley employees are concerned they were given no notice of the takeover by Santander Bank.  A Government spokesman said: 'No one expected the Spanish acquisition.'

H/T County Council John