HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 

She is not “EASY” - She is  “HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.”

She is not a “DUMB BLONDE” - She is a  “LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.”

She has not “BEEN AROUND” - She is a  “PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.”

She does not “NAG” you - She becomes  ” VERBALLY REPETITIVE.”

She is not a “TWO-BIT HOOKER” - She is a  ” LOW COST PROVIDER.”

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

He does not have a “BEER GUT” - He has developed a “LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.”

He is not a “BAD DANCER” - He is  ” OVERLY CAUCASIAN.”

He does not “GET LOST ALL THE TIME” - He ” INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.”

He is not “BALDING” - He is in  “FOLLICLE REGRESSION.”

He does not act like a “TOTAL ASS” - He develops a case of “RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.”

It’s not his “CRACK” you see hanging out of his pants - It’s “REAR CLEAVAGE.” 

H/T Norm McGill