These  greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and  hit it with the shadow.

~ Sam  Snead

A  hungry dog hunts best.

   ~ Lee  Trevino

You  can talk to a fade but a hook won't  listen.

~  Lee Trevino

I  was three over. One over a house, one over a patio, and one  over a swimming pool.

~ George  Brett

Actually,  the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a  tarantula. And I took a 7 to do  that.

   ~ Jim Murray

The  only sure rule in golf is - he who has the fastest cart never  has to play the bad lie.

~ Mickey  Mantle

Sex  and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not  good at them

~ Kevin  Costner

I  don't fear death, but I sure don't like those three-footers  for par.

~ Chi Chi  Rodriguez

After  all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on  the American golf tour.  Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back  ten minutes later with a ham on rye.

~ Chi Chi  Rodriguez

The  ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the  tree.

   ~ Brian Weis

Swing  hard in case you hit it.

   ~ Dan Marino

My  favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt.  The rest can never be mastered.

   ~ Lord Robertson

Give  me golf clubs, fresh air and a  beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh  air.

   ~ Jack  Benny

There  is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two  different games, one played in the air, and the other on the  ground.

~ Ben  Hogan

Professional golf is the only sport  where, if you win 20% of the time, you're the best

~ Jack  Nicklaus

The  uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost  a law.

   ~ H G Wells

I  never pray on a golf course. Actually, the Lord  answers my prayers everywhere except on the  course.

   ~ Billy Graham

If  you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's  recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.

~  Bob Hope

While  playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a  rake.

~  Henny Youngman

If  you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the  wrong golf ball.

~  Jack Lemmon

You  can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives.  Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands  work.

   ~ Lee Trevino

I'm  not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes,  they'd come up  sliced.

~  Lee Trevino

H/T John Warden who uses quite a few of the above