It's that time of New Year. The Darwin Awards 2008 are now released. Here's a taster, but do visit soon. (Especially as its Monday the first real day back at work!)
(20 April 2008, Atlantic Ocean, Brazil) In 1982 Lawn Chair Larry, beloved survivor of
a Darwin-worthy attempt, attached 45 helium weather balloons to his
comfortable Sears lawn chair, packed a picnic and a , and cut the tether. But
instead of drifting lazily above the Los Angeles landscape, the combined
lift of 45 huge helium balloons rocketed Larry into LAX air traffic lanes
16,000 feet above sea level. Astoundingly, he survived the "flight."
In homage to Larry's aerial adventure, a Catholic priest recently
ascended towards heaven on a host of helium party balloons. Adelir
Antonio de Carli, 41, was attempting to set the world record for clustered
balloon flight to publicize his plan to build a spiritual rest stop for
truckers.
Sitting for more than 19 hours in a lawn chair is not a trivial matter, even
in the comfort of your own backyard. The priest took numerous safety
precautions, including wearing a survival suit, selecting a buoyant chair,
and packing a satellite phone and a GPS. However, the late Adelir Antonio
made a fatal mistake.
He did not know how to use the GPS.
The winds changed, as winds do, and he was blown inexorably toward open
sea. He could have parachuted to safety while over land, but chose not to.
When the voyager was perilously lost at sea, he prudently phoned for help.
But rescuers were unable to reach him since he could not use his GPS!
HE struggled with the control panel as the charge on the
satellite phone dwindled.
Instead of a GPS, the priest let God be his guide, and God guided him
straight to heaven. Bits of balloons began appearing on mountains and
beaches. Ultimately the priest's body surfaced, confirming that he, like
Elvis, had left the building.
The kicker? It's a Double Darwin. Catholic priests take vows of
celibacy. Since they voluntarily remove themselves from the gene pool, the
entire group earns a mass Darwin Award. Adelir Antonio wins twice over!
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