WISHING YOU - IN YOUR BUSY

LIFESTYLE SOME TIME FOR RELAXATION

& REFLECTION ..

GOOD SLEEP

GOOD HEALTH WITH EXERCISE

SOMEONE TO DANCE WITH

A BIT OF ADVENTURE

GOOD LOOKS

BUT MOST OF ALL ..

I WISH YOU

LOTS OF BEAR HUGS .

AND THE BLISS OF REAL LOVE

MANY BLESSINGS COME YOUR WAY TODAY:

MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE LOVE TO SHARE

HEALTH TO SPARE

AND FRIENDS THAT CARE

BUT WATCH OUT FOR THOSE BLOODY PENGUINS

DO YOU EVER FEEL LIKE DOING THIS TO SOMEONE?

NOW PLEASE FORWARD THIS TO EVERY PERSON

YOU CONSIDER A FRIEND!

H/T John The Baker

A professor at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical students.

Realising this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly .

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said,

Do you know what your arsehole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'
She replied, 'Probably playing golf with his mates.'

It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom.........

H/T John The Baker

Dale and Dean were fishing in Wisconsin when Dean pulled out a cigarette.  Finding he had no matches, he asked Dale for a light.

'Yeah, sh-u-r-e, I think I have a lighter,' he replied, and then reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.

'Jiminy Cricket!' exclaimed Dean, taking the huge Bic Lighter in his hands. 'Where did you get that monster??'

'Well,' replied Dale, 'I got it from my Genie.'

'You have a Genie?' Dean asked.

'Yeah, sh-u-r-e. It's right here in my tackle box,' says Dale.

'Could I see him?'

Dale opens his tackle box & sure enough, out pops the Genie.

Addressing the genie, Dean says, 'Hey there  I'm the brother of your master.  Will you grant me one wish?'

'Yes, I will,' says the Genie.

So Dean asks the Genie for a million bucks.

The Genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Dean sitting there waiting for his million bucks.

Shortly, the sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million ducks....flying directly overhead.

Over the roar of the million ducks Dean yells at Dale,

'What the heck I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!'
Dale answers, 'Yeah, I forgot to tell you that the Genie is hard of hearing.

Do you really think I asked for a 10-inch Bic?"

H/T Brummie Bill

A US Air Force C-130 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland,
at midnight.  During the pilot's preflight check, he discovers that the
latrine holding tank is still full from the last flight.  So a message
is sent to the base and an airman who was off duty is called out to
take  care of it.     

The young man finally gets to the air base and makes his way to the
aircraft only to find that the latrine pump truck has been left outdoors
and is frozen solid, so he must find another one in the hangar, which
takes even more time. He returns to the aircraft and is less than
enthusiastic about what he has to do. Nevertheless, he goes about the
pumping job deliberately and carefully (and slowly) so as not to risk
criticism later.

As he's leaving the plane, the pilot stops him and says, 'Son, your 
attitude and performance has caused this flight to be late and I'm going
to personally see to it that you are not just reprimanded but punished.'
Shivering in the cold, his task finished, he takes a deep breath, stands
tall and says, 'Sir, with all due respect, I'm not your son; I'm an
Airman in the United States Air Force. I've been in Thule, Greenland,
for 11 months without any leave, and reindeers' asses are beginning to
look pretty good to me, I have one stripe; it's 2:30 in the morning,
the  temperature is 40 degrees below zero, and my job here is to pump
shit out of an aircraft. Now, just exactly what form of punishment did
you  have in mind?'

H/T John Warden

A Mother had 3 virgin daughters.

They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mum was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but: "Nescafe"!

Mum was puzzled at first, but then went to her kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar.

It said: "Good till the last drop”.

Mum blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Rothmans"

Mum now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the pack: "Extra Long. King Size"

She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in Cape Town. Mum waited for a week, nothing.

Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived.

Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words "South African Airways"

Mum took out her latest YOU magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for SAA.

The ad said: "Ten times a day, seven days a week, both ways."

Mum fainted!!!

H/T John The Baker

H/T Phil’s Place.

I thought the last one was the best!

H/T John Warden for this fine collection!

John Travolta

Halle  Berry

OPRAH

J-Lo and Mark Anthony

EDDIE MURPHY

Billy Joel

Hugh Hefner

Sylvester Stallone


Tiger Woods

These are really great... and the captions are perfect.

Someone did a great job on this.

These photos were taken in  Beijing  at the Panda Reserve.

Look deep into my eyes... you are feeling sleepy... 

Forgive me Father for I have sinned... 

Kung Fu Panda...bring it on 

On the count of three, lift! 

Does my butt look big on this log? 

Hiding in plain sight.

Peek a boo! 

HELP!! 

me sleepy..... zzzzzz

Wasn't me, I didn't steal this bamboo shoot, it was just sitting here! 

Panda aerobics...and 1 and lift! 

Please, sir, may I have some more? (Oliver Panda)

stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it

But I like chocolate better.

What do you people do all day in there?

I'd like some alone time please.

Naughty Panda, time out corner. 

Panda Tai Chi 

Romeo oh Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?

H/T John The Baker