Trevor the farmer was in the fertilised egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets' and eight or ten roosters, to fertilise the pullets' eggs. Trevor kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced.

That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so Trevor could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.

Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
The farmer's favourite rooster was Gordon, and a very fine specimen he was too, but on this particular morning Trevor noticed Gordon's bell hadn't rung at all! Trevor went to investigate.

The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover but to farmer Trevor's amazement, Gordon had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.

He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
Trevor was so proud of Gordon, he entered him into the London Exhibition and Gordon became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The Result?
The judges not only awarded Gordon the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.

Clearly Gordon was a politician in the making: Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Do you know a Politician called Gordon?

H/T John The Baker

A man met a beautiful blonde lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away.
She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.'

He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along..'

So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort..

One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 metre board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.

After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.

She said, 'That was incredible!'

He said, 'I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along.'

So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing lengths.

After seventy-five lengths she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel and was hardly out of breath.

He said, 'That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?'

'No,' she said, 'I was a prostitute in Newcastle but I worked both sides of the Tyne '.

HT John The Baker

It's time again for the annual 'Stella Awards'! For those unfamiliar
with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who
spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in
New Mexico where she purchased coffee.  You remember, she took the lid
off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving . . .
Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right?  That’s
right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts
in the U.S.  You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your
head.  So keep your head scratcher handy.

Here are the Stellas for the past year:

*SEVENTH PLACE*
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of
her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was
running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably
surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own
son.
Start scratching!

* SIXTH PLACE *
Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles , California won $74,000 plus medical
expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord.
Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the
car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

Scratch some more...

* FIFTH PLACE *
Terrence Dickson, of Bristol , Pennsylvania , who was leaving a house
he had just burglarized by way of the garage Unfortunately for Dickson,
the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the
garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the
door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it
shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT days and survive on a
case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's
insurance company claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury
said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish.
We should all have this kind of anguish. Keep scratching. There are
more....

Double hand scratching after this one...

*FOURTH PLACE*
Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the
Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being
bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the
beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get
as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have
been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed
over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet
gun.

Pick a new spot to scratch, you're getting a bald spot..

* THIRD PLACE *
Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a
Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a
spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink
was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds
earlier during an argument. What ever happened to people being
responsible for their own actions?

Only two more so ease up on the scratching....

*SECOND PLACE*
Kara Walton, of Claymont , Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a
nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor,
knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to
sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover
charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000....oh,
yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure.  

Ok. Here we go!!

* FIRST PLACE *
This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was:  Mrs. Merv
Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased a new 32-foot
Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game,
having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph
and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to
make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the
freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs.. Grazinski
sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't
actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The
Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down?
$1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their
manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any
relatives who might also buy a motor home....

Are we, as a society, getting more stupid????

H/.T John The Baker

I thought the last one was the best!

H/T John Warden for this fine collection!

John Travolta

Halle  Berry

OPRAH

J-Lo and Mark Anthony

EDDIE MURPHY

Billy Joel

Hugh Hefner

Sylvester Stallone


Tiger Woods

THE LADY IS GETTING READY TO ENTER!!
This is a picture of a public toilet in Houston  

Now that you've seen the outside view,
take a look at the inside view...

It's made entirely of one-way glass! 
No one can see you from the outside, but when 
you are inside it's like sitting in a clear 
glass box! 
Now would you... COULD YOU....???

H/T Brummie Bill

Hard to believe that these are drawn on a FLAT sidewalk surface.

Street Artist's.....newest creations
Edgar Mueller Super Artist

Great Crevase Edgar Mueller.  Hard work: Together with up to five assistants, Mueller painted all day long from sunrise to sunset. 

The picture appeared on the East Pier in Dun Laoghaire , Ireland , as part of the town's Festival of World Cultures.


He spent five days, working 12 hours a day, to create the 250 square metre image of the crevasse, which, viewed from the correct angle, appears to be 3D. He then persuaded passers-by to complete the illusion by pretending the gaping hole was real.

'I wanted to play with positives and negatives to encourage people to think twice about everything they see,' he said.  'It was a very scary scene, but when people saw it they had great fun playing on it and pretending to fall into the earth.  'I like to think that later, when they returned home, they might reflect more on what a frightening scenario it was and say, "Wow, that was actually pretty scary."

Mueller, who has previously painted a giant waterfall in Canada , said he was inspired by the British 'Pavement Picasso' Julian Beever, whose dramatic but more gentle 3D street images have featured in the Daily Mail.
This guy is amazing no matter how you look at it!

H/T John Warden

OK, so maybe they should have been out catching some criminals, but what harm is a little fun. I would have called it equipment testing, not really playing in the snow.