A US Air Force C-130 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland,
at midnight.  During the pilot's preflight check, he discovers that the
latrine holding tank is still full from the last flight.  So a message
is sent to the base and an airman who was off duty is called out to
take  care of it.     

The young man finally gets to the air base and makes his way to the
aircraft only to find that the latrine pump truck has been left outdoors
and is frozen solid, so he must find another one in the hangar, which
takes even more time. He returns to the aircraft and is less than
enthusiastic about what he has to do. Nevertheless, he goes about the
pumping job deliberately and carefully (and slowly) so as not to risk
criticism later.

As he's leaving the plane, the pilot stops him and says, 'Son, your 
attitude and performance has caused this flight to be late and I'm going
to personally see to it that you are not just reprimanded but punished.'
Shivering in the cold, his task finished, he takes a deep breath, stands
tall and says, 'Sir, with all due respect, I'm not your son; I'm an
Airman in the United States Air Force. I've been in Thule, Greenland,
for 11 months without any leave, and reindeers' asses are beginning to
look pretty good to me, I have one stripe; it's 2:30 in the morning,
the  temperature is 40 degrees below zero, and my job here is to pump
shit out of an aircraft. Now, just exactly what form of punishment did
you  have in mind?'

H/T John Warden

H/T Phil’s Place.

H/T Brummie Bill

An Amish woman was driving her buggy to town when a highway patrol officer stopped her.

"I'm not going to cite you," said the officer.  "I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be dangerous."

"I thank thee," replied the Amish lady.  "I shall have my husband repair it as soon as I return home."

"Also," said the officer, "I noticed one of your reins to your horse is wrapped around his testicles. Some people might consider this cruelty to animals, so you should have your husband check that, too."

"Again I thank thee.  I shall have my husband check both when I get home."

True to her word, when the Amish lady got home she told her husband about the broken reflector, and he said he would put a new one on it immediately.  "Also," said the Amish woman, "The policeman said there was something wrong with the emergency brake."

H/T John The Baker

Whatever next?

Via BornRich. Currently unavailable from here. Look expensive to me.

… and reveals a nice black thong!

H/T Redford Briggstock, MD

The British Special Boat Service (water-based version of the SAS) landing an inflatable launch inside a Chinook.

Cool!

H/T Brummie Bill

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a gas station in a  remote
corner of the Irish countryside.

The pump attendant, who knows nothing about golf  doesn't recognise Tiger, and greets him in typical Irish fashion.

"Top of the mornin' to ya, sir," says the  attendant.

Tiger, who is familiar with Irish customs, responds with,  "And the rest of the day to you, sir!"

Tiger then bends forward to pick up the nozzle of the  gasoline hose. As he does so, two golf tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.

"What are those?" asks the attendant.

"They're called tees," replies Tiger.

"And what on the good earth are they fer?" inquires the Irishman.

"They're for resting my balls on when I'm  driving," says Tiger.

"Feckin' hell," says the Irishman,  "BMW thinks of everything!"

H/T John Warden

GOOD LUCK
I hope that you don't mind, but I entered your name in a draw for
a 7-Day, 6-Night cruise. No sales people will call or bother you in any way.
It's on the fabulous new Gypsy Queen Cruise Line ship, The ' Dixie Belle'.

All airfares, transfers, food and drinks included -
with dinner at the Captain's table as his personal guest

Good luck, I hope you win!

Boy, I wish I was going with you.
If you win, make sure to send pictures. 
Your live in hostesses, will take good care of you.

Since you will have the Presidential suite, you'll have
a balcony view and the finest facilities.

Nothing is too good for my friends!

H/T Brummie Bill