History's top 10 times for appropriate use of the F-word:
10th - "Scattered f***ing showers, my ass!" - Noah, 4314 BC
9th - "How the f*** did you work that out?" - Pythagoras, 126 BC
8th - "You want WHAT on the f***ing ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566
7th - "Where did all those f***ing Indians come from?" - Custer, 1877
6th - "It does so f***ing look like her!" - Picasso, 1926
5th - "Where the f*** are we?" Amelia Earhart, 1937
4th - "Any f***ing idiot could understand that." - Einstein, 1938
3rd - "What the f*** was that?" - Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945
2nd - "I need this parade like I need a f***ing hole in the head!" - JFK, 1963

AND ...  drum roll please ...    

The Number 1 most appropriate time for using the "F" word .....

"Aw c'mon. Who the f*** is gonna find out?" - Tiger Woods, 2009

H/T John The Baker

Trevor the farmer was in the fertilised egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets' and eight or ten roosters, to fertilise the pullets' eggs. Trevor kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced.

That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so Trevor could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.

Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
The farmer's favourite rooster was Gordon, and a very fine specimen he was too, but on this particular morning Trevor noticed Gordon's bell hadn't rung at all! Trevor went to investigate.

The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover but to farmer Trevor's amazement, Gordon had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.

He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
Trevor was so proud of Gordon, he entered him into the London Exhibition and Gordon became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The Result?
The judges not only awarded Gordon the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.

Clearly Gordon was a politician in the making: Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Do you know a Politician called Gordon?

H/T John The Baker

Whatever next?

Via BornRich. Currently unavailable from here. Look expensive to me.

Microsoft Security Essentials Ranks as Best-Performing Free Antivirus
Anti-malware testing group AV-Comparatives.org not only gave Microsoft Security Essentials a top rating for malware removal
http://lifehacker.com/5433229/microsoft-security-essentials-ranks-as-best+performing-free-antivirus

Stories like this tug at your heartstrings. Really. They do.

Ah yes, the power of love. 
This guy (Alvaro Alfonso de Miranda Neto) simply referred to as Doda was married to

This woman …

Here she is again …

And again …

Her name is Cibele Dorsa. She is a Brazilian swimsuit and Playboy model.

He divorced her because he fell in love with this woman.

These two are very happily married right now.

Some people argue that love is blind.

This story clearly shows it.

It proves that men are capable of real love.

Truly seeing the inner beauty inside a person, not basing their decisions solely on looks.

By the way. The new girl is Athina Onassis.

She's worth 2 Billion dollars.

H/T John The Baker

The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the  United States  Redneck Special Forces (USRSF)

These boys will be dropped off in  Afghanistan  and have been given only the following facts about terrorists:

1. The season opened today.

2. There is no limit.

3. They taste just like chicken.

4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music, or Jesus.

5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

The Pentagon expects the problem in  Afghanistan  to be over by Friday.

A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington , DC when he sees a
little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her
by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter
her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion
square on the nose with a powerful punch. 
Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl,
and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him
endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.

The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, 'Sir, this was the most
gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.' 
The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was
behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt
right.'

The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a
journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the
front page... So, what do you do for a living and what political
affiliation do you have?'

The biker replies, 'I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican.' The journalist
leaves.

The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed
brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page: 

U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH

H/T Steve

You would think it was such a simple question. Depends on your own gender perspective. This will keep you guessing.

Via Ad Freak.

Fascinating.

Spotted by John Warden