Record Makers Promo from CreativeApplications.Net on Vimeo.

Really rather good.

If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never say it's not quite as good as his mother's then go to Korea and marry ladyboy otherwise

.. adopt a dog.

If you want someone always willing to go out dogging (as in watching and occasionally partaking in public sex in carparks, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want  ...

...then adopt a dog.
If you want someone who will never touch the remote, unless it's gone midnight and the gay porn chat channel has started, doesn't care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies or sexy housewife videos from one of those “tube” sites or if their servers are down, Google Images! 

..then adopt a dog.
If you want someone who is content to get on your bed just to warm your feet and unmentionable toilet parts and whom you can push off if he snores like a fucking drain

..then adopt a dog !
If you want someone who never criticizes what you do (oops sorry wrong hole dear), doesn't care
if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old but are themselves blind or self-deluded, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to except when the words bog and clean are mentioned, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually ..

..then adopt a dog.
BUT,  on the other hand, if you want someone who will  never come, never come
when you call, ignores you totally when you come home after a hard day at the bookies, leaves pubic hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night due to the copious amount of methamphetamines consumed earlier that day and only comes home to eat and sleep, and  acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness .,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

..then vote Labour
Now be honest, you thought I was gonna say... marry a man, didn't you?

You...

....have a GREAT Day!!!

H/T John The Baker

History's top 10 times for appropriate use of the F-word:
10th - "Scattered f***ing showers, my ass!" - Noah, 4314 BC
9th - "How the f*** did you work that out?" - Pythagoras, 126 BC
8th - "You want WHAT on the f***ing ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566
7th - "Where did all those f***ing Indians come from?" - Custer, 1877
6th - "It does so f***ing look like her!" - Picasso, 1926
5th - "Where the f*** are we?" Amelia Earhart, 1937
4th - "Any f***ing idiot could understand that." - Einstein, 1938
3rd - "What the f*** was that?" - Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945
2nd - "I need this parade like I need a f***ing hole in the head!" - JFK, 1963

AND ...  drum roll please ...    

The Number 1 most appropriate time for using the "F" word .....

"Aw c'mon. Who the f*** is gonna find out?" - Tiger Woods, 2009

H/T John The Baker

A cruise on the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there are only 3 Survivors; Jim, Tom and Susie.

They manage to swim to a small island and they live there for a couple of years doing what's natural for men and women to do.
After several years of casual sex, all the time, Susie felt absolutely horrible about what she was doing.

She felt having sex with both Jim and Tom was so immoral and bad that she killed herself.

It was tragic, but Jim and Tom managed to get through it. After a while, Jim and Tom's resistance to nature's urgings waned, and the inevitable happened.

Well, a couple more years went by and Jim and Tom began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing.

So, they buried Susie.

H/T John The Baker

H/T John The Baker

Trevor the farmer was in the fertilised egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets' and eight or ten roosters, to fertilise the pullets' eggs. Trevor kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced.

That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so Trevor could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.

Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
The farmer's favourite rooster was Gordon, and a very fine specimen he was too, but on this particular morning Trevor noticed Gordon's bell hadn't rung at all! Trevor went to investigate.

The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover but to farmer Trevor's amazement, Gordon had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.

He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
Trevor was so proud of Gordon, he entered him into the London Exhibition and Gordon became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The Result?
The judges not only awarded Gordon the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.

Clearly Gordon was a politician in the making: Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Do you know a Politician called Gordon?

H/T John The Baker

I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so.
I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy.
There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the
counter and she could see that I was new at it.
She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one.

I honestly answered, 'No, this is my first time.'

So she unwrapped the package, took one out and
slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make
sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still
looked confused. So she looked all around the store
to see if it was empty. It was empty.

'Just a minute,' she said, and walked to the door, and locked it.
Taking my hand, she led me into the back room,
unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked
her bra and laid it aside. 'Do these excite you?' She
asked. Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do
was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on.
As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt,

removed her panties and lay down on a desk.

'Well, come on', she said, 'We don't have much time.'

So I did the deed. It was so wonderful, that
unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and
KAPOW, I was done within a few minutes.
She looked at me with a bit of a frown. 'Did you
put that condom on?' she asked.
I said, 'I sure did,' and held up my thumb to show her.
She fainted.

H/T John The Baker

Excellent stuff from John The Baker

Global Facts . . ..
At Any Given Moment:

FACT:
79,000,000 people are engaged in sex - right now

FACT:
58,000,000 are kissing.

FACT:
37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex..

FACT:
1 old timer is reading emails.

You hang in there, Sunshine ! ! ! !

H/T John The Baker