A US Air Force C-130 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland,
at midnight.  During the pilot's preflight check, he discovers that the
latrine holding tank is still full from the last flight.  So a message
is sent to the base and an airman who was off duty is called out to
take  care of it.     

The young man finally gets to the air base and makes his way to the
aircraft only to find that the latrine pump truck has been left outdoors
and is frozen solid, so he must find another one in the hangar, which
takes even more time. He returns to the aircraft and is less than
enthusiastic about what he has to do. Nevertheless, he goes about the
pumping job deliberately and carefully (and slowly) so as not to risk
criticism later.

As he's leaving the plane, the pilot stops him and says, 'Son, your 
attitude and performance has caused this flight to be late and I'm going
to personally see to it that you are not just reprimanded but punished.'
Shivering in the cold, his task finished, he takes a deep breath, stands
tall and says, 'Sir, with all due respect, I'm not your son; I'm an
Airman in the United States Air Force. I've been in Thule, Greenland,
for 11 months without any leave, and reindeers' asses are beginning to
look pretty good to me, I have one stripe; it's 2:30 in the morning,
the  temperature is 40 degrees below zero, and my job here is to pump
shit out of an aircraft. Now, just exactly what form of punishment did
you  have in mind?'

H/T John Warden

A Mother had 3 virgin daughters.

They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mum was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but: "Nescafe"!

Mum was puzzled at first, but then went to her kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar.

It said: "Good till the last drop”.

Mum blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Rothmans"

Mum now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the pack: "Extra Long. King Size"

She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in Cape Town. Mum waited for a week, nothing.

Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived.

Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words "South African Airways"

Mum took out her latest YOU magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for SAA.

The ad said: "Ten times a day, seven days a week, both ways."

Mum fainted!!!

H/T John The Baker

H/T Phil’s Place.

I thought the last one was the best!

H/T John Warden for this fine collection!

John Travolta

Halle  Berry

OPRAH

J-Lo and Mark Anthony

EDDIE MURPHY

Billy Joel

Hugh Hefner

Sylvester Stallone


Tiger Woods

These are really great... and the captions are perfect.

Someone did a great job on this.

These photos were taken in  Beijing  at the Panda Reserve.

Look deep into my eyes... you are feeling sleepy... 

Forgive me Father for I have sinned... 

Kung Fu Panda...bring it on 

On the count of three, lift! 

Does my butt look big on this log? 

Hiding in plain sight.

Peek a boo! 

HELP!! 

me sleepy..... zzzzzz

Wasn't me, I didn't steal this bamboo shoot, it was just sitting here! 

Panda aerobics...and 1 and lift! 

Please, sir, may I have some more? (Oliver Panda)

stop it stop it stop it stop it stop it

But I like chocolate better.

What do you people do all day in there?

I'd like some alone time please.

Naughty Panda, time out corner. 

Panda Tai Chi 

Romeo oh Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?

H/T John The Baker

The French President is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.

'Hallo, Mr. Sarkozy!' a heavily accented voice said. 'This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare , Ireland .. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you. We voted to reject the Lisbon treaty.'

'Well, Paddy,' Sarkozy replied, 'This is indeed important news. How big is your army?'

'Right now,' says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, 'there is myself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eleven.'

Sarkozy paused. 'I must tell you, paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command.'

'Begoora!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to ring you back.'

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. 'Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!'

'And what equipment would that be paddy?' Sarkozy asks. 'Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor..'

Sarkozy sighs amused. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke.'

'Saints preserve us!' says Paddy. I'll have to get back to you.'

Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. 'Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne!

We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!'

Sarkozy was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000.'

'Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!' says paddy, 'I will have to ring you back.'

Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. 'Top o' the mornin', Mr Sarkozy. I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war.'

'Really? I am sorry to hear that,' says Sarkozy. 'Why the sudden change of heart?'

'Well,' says Paddy, 'we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness and packets of crisps, and we decided there is no fookin' way we can feed 200,000 prisoners.'

H/T Brummie Bill

H/T Brummie Bill

THE LADY IS GETTING READY TO ENTER!!
This is a picture of a public toilet in Houston  

Now that you've seen the outside view,
take a look at the inside view...

It's made entirely of one-way glass! 
No one can see you from the outside, but when 
you are inside it's like sitting in a clear 
glass box! 
Now would you... COULD YOU....???

H/T Brummie Bill

I thought this was quite clever:

http://www.m2film.dk/fleggaard/trailer2.swf