An Amish woman was driving her buggy to town when a highway patrol officer stopped her.

"I'm not going to cite you," said the officer.  "I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be dangerous."

"I thank thee," replied the Amish lady.  "I shall have my husband repair it as soon as I return home."

"Also," said the officer, "I noticed one of your reins to your horse is wrapped around his testicles. Some people might consider this cruelty to animals, so you should have your husband check that, too."

"Again I thank thee.  I shall have my husband check both when I get home."

True to her word, when the Amish lady got home she told her husband about the broken reflector, and he said he would put a new one on it immediately.  "Also," said the Amish woman, "The policeman said there was something wrong with the emergency brake."

H/T John The Baker

Whatever next?

Via BornRich. Currently unavailable from here. Look expensive to me.

… and reveals a nice black thong!

H/T Redford Briggstock, MD

The British Special Boat Service (water-based version of the SAS) landing an inflatable launch inside a Chinook.

Cool!

H/T Brummie Bill

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a gas station in a  remote
corner of the Irish countryside.

The pump attendant, who knows nothing about golf  doesn't recognise Tiger, and greets him in typical Irish fashion.

"Top of the mornin' to ya, sir," says the  attendant.

Tiger, who is familiar with Irish customs, responds with,  "And the rest of the day to you, sir!"

Tiger then bends forward to pick up the nozzle of the  gasoline hose. As he does so, two golf tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.

"What are those?" asks the attendant.

"They're called tees," replies Tiger.

"And what on the good earth are they fer?" inquires the Irishman.

"They're for resting my balls on when I'm  driving," says Tiger.

"Feckin' hell," says the Irishman,  "BMW thinks of everything!"

H/T John Warden

GOOD LUCK
I hope that you don't mind, but I entered your name in a draw for
a 7-Day, 6-Night cruise. No sales people will call or bother you in any way.
It's on the fabulous new Gypsy Queen Cruise Line ship, The ' Dixie Belle'.

All airfares, transfers, food and drinks included -
with dinner at the Captain's table as his personal guest

Good luck, I hope you win!

Boy, I wish I was going with you.
If you win, make sure to send pictures. 
Your live in hostesses, will take good care of you.

Since you will have the Presidential suite, you'll have
a balcony view and the finest facilities.

Nothing is too good for my friends!

H/T Brummie Bill

A C-130 was lumbering along when a cocky F-16 flashed by.

The jet jockey decided to show off.

The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, 'watch this!' and promptly 
went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished 
with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier. The F-16 pilot 
asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that?

The C-130 pilot said, 'That was impressive, but watch this!' 
The C-130 droned along for about 5 minutes and then the C-130 
pilot came back on and said: 'What did you think of that?'

Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, 'What the heck did you do?' 

The C-130 pilot chuckled. 'I stood up, stretched my legs, walked  
to the back, took a leak, then got a cup of coffee and a  
cinnamon roll.'

When you are young & foolish - speed & flash may seem a good thing !!!

When you get older & smarter - comfort & dull is not such a bad thing !!!

Us older folks understand this one.

H/T His Eminence The Bishop

Brown wants us to cut the amount of petrol we use.....

The best way to stop using so much petrol is to deport 3 million illegal immigrants!

That would be 3 million less people using our petrol. The price of petrol would come down.....

Bring our troops home from Afghanistan to guard the Channel....

When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the Channel, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Afghanistan ....
Tell him if he wants to come to Britain then he must serve a tour in the military....
Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it.....

After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country.....
He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal resident.... .

This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Afghanistan and the aliens trying to make
a better life for themselves.. ....

If they refuse to serve, ship them to Afghanistan anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo.....
Problem solved....
If you think this is a good solution to both the problems, forward it to your friends. ..........
I just did.........

H/T John The Baker

Stunning. Want one. Still a concept with a ballpark price tag of $150m.