Jeff Dunham – why ventriloquists shouldn’t do Strip Clubs

July 3, 2009 12:18 by English Guy

Very good. Nabbed from Thunderdragon.

 



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Remember the Shoe Bomber?

July 1, 2009 21:08 by English Guy

reid_102181t

Remember the guy who got on a plane with a bomb built into his shoe and tried to light it?

  Did you know his trial is over?

  Did you know he was sentenced?

  Did you see/hear any of the judge's comments on TV or Radio?

  Didn't think so.!!!

 

Everyone should hear what the judge had to say.

Ruling by Judge William Young, US District Court.

Prior to sentencing, the Judge asked the defendant if he had anything to say. 

 

His response: After admitting his guilt to the court for the record, Reid also admitted his 'allegiance to Osama bin Laden, to Islam, and to the religion of Allah,' defiantly stating, 'I think I will not apologize for my actions,' and told the court 'I am at war with your country.'

Judge Young then delivered the statement quoted below:

 

January 30, 2003, United States vs. Reid.

 

Judge Young:   'Mr. Richard C. Reid, hearken now to the sentence the Court imposes upon you.

 

On counts 1, 5 and 6 the Court sentences you to life in prison in the custody of the United States Attorney General.  On counts 2, 3, 4 and 7, the Court sentences you to 20 years in prison on each count, the sentence on each count to run consecutively.  (That's 80 years.)

 

On count 8 the Court sentences you to the mandatory 30 years again, to be served consecutively to the 80 years just imposed.  The Court imposes upon you for each of the eight counts a fine of $250,000 that's an aggregate fine of $2 million.  The Court accepts the government's recommendation with respect to restitution and orders restitution in the amount of $298.17 to Andre Bousquet and $5,784 to American Airlines.

 

The Court imposes upon you an $800 special assessment. The Court imposes upon you five years supervised release simply because the law requires it. But the life sentences are real life sentences so I need go no further.

 

This is the sentence that is provided for by our statutes.  It is a fair and just sentence.  It is a righteous sentence.

 

Now, let me explain this to you.  We are not afraid of you or any of your terrorist co-conspirators, Mr. Reid.  We are Americans.  We have been through the fire before.  There is too much war talk here and I say that to everyone with the utmost respect.  Here in this court, we deal with individuals as individuals and care for individuals as individuals.  As

human beings, we reach out for justice.

 

You are not an enemy combatant.  You are a terrorist. You are not a soldier in any war.  You are a terrorist.  To give you that reference, to call you a soldier, gives you far too much stature. Whether the officers of government do it or your attorney does it, or if you think you are a soldier, you are not----- you are a terrorist.  And we do not negotiate with terrorists.  We do not meet with terrorists.  We do not sign documents with terrorists.  We hunt them down one by one and bring them to justice.

 

So war talk is way out of line in this court.  You are a big fellow. But you are not that big.  You're no warrior.  I've known warriors. You are a terrorist.  A species of criminal that is guilty of multiple attempted murders.  In a very real sense, State Trooper Santiago had it right when you first were taken off that plane and into custody and you wondered where the press and the TV crews were, and he said: 'You're no big deal.' You are no big deal.

What your able counsel and what the equally able United States attorneys have grappled with and what I have as honestly as I know how tried to grapple with, is why you did something so horrific.  What was it that led you here to this courtroom today?

 

I have listened respectfully to what you have to say. And I ask you to search your heart and ask yourself what sort of unfathomable hate led you to do what you are guilty and admit you are guilty of doing?  And, I have sn answer for you.  It may not satisfy you, but as I search this entire record, it comes as close to understanding as I know.

 

It seems to me you hate the one thing that to us is most precious. You hate our freedom.  Our individual freedom.  Our individual freedom to live as we choose, to come and go as we choose, to believe or not believe as we individually choose.  Here, in this society, the very wind carries freedom.  It carries it everywhere from sea to shining sea.  It is because we prize individual freedom so much that you are here in this beautiful courtroom, so that everyone can see, truly see, that justice is administered fairly, individually, and discretely.  It is for freedom's sake that your lawyers are striving so vigorously on your behalf, have

filed appeals, will go on in their representation of you before other judges.

 

We Americans are all about freedom.  Because we all know that the way we treat you, Mr. Reid, is the measure of our own liberties.  Make no mistake though.  It is yet true that we will bear any burden; pay any price, to preserve our freedoms.  Look around this courtroom.  Mark it well.  The world is not going to long remember what you or I say here.  The day after tomorrow, it will be forgotten, but this, however, will long endure.

Here in this courtroom and courtrooms all across America , the American people will gather to see that justice, individual justice, -  justice, not war, - individual justice is in fact being done.  The very President of the United States through his officers will have to come into courtrooms and lay out evidence on which specific matters can be judged and juries of

citizens will gather to sit and judge that evidence democratically, to mold and shape and refine our sense of justice.

 

See that flag, Mr. Reid?  That's the flag of the United States of America.  That flag will fly there long after this is all forgotten. That flag stands for freedom.  And it always will.

Mr. Custody Officer.  Stand him down.

 

So, how much of this Judge's comments did we hear on our TV sets?  We need more judges like Judge Young.  Pass this around.  Everyone should and needs to hear what this fine judge had to say. Powerful words that strike home.

 

H/T His Eminence the Bishop



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Firefox v3.5 Browser released today

July 1, 2009 12:14 by English Guy


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How to avoid those shopping trips with your wife/girlfriend

July 1, 2009 10:39 by English Guy

Follow this technique, spotted here.

going_shopping_with_the_wife



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9GAG: Solitaire. OK, which card do you move first?

June 30, 2009 13:26 by English Guy

8560_540

(Hint: This is an unsolvable Solitaire spotted at 9GAG._



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Now that is a proper Barbeque

June 30, 2009 13:22 by English Guy

This is how Italians do a barbeque. Big and in style. See more over at BornRich.

 

barbecu2



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Church Bulletins

June 30, 2009 12:46 by English Guy

------------ --------- -----

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

------------ --------- -----

The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight:

'Searching for Jesus.'

------------ --------- -----

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those

things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

------------ --------- -----

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at

someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care

much about you.

------------ --------- -----

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

------------ --------- -----

Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,'

giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

------------ --------- -----

For those of you who have

children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

------------ --------- -----

Next Thursday there will be

tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

------------ --------- -----

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the

church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

------------ --------- -----

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'

Come early and listen to our choir practice.

------------ --------- -----

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of

several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

------------ --------- -----

Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be

recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

------------ --------- -----

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased

person you want remembered.

------------ --------- -----

The church will host an evening

of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

------------ --------- -----

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM

- prayer and medication to follow.

------------ --------- -----

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.

They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

------------ --------- -----

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across

from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

------------ --------- -----

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies

are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

------------ --------- -----

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would

lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

------------ --------- -----

Low Self Esteem Support Group

will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

------------ --------- -----

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare' s Hamlet in the Church

basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this

tragedy.

------------ --------- -----

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.

Please use large double door at the side entrance.

------------ --------- -----

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last

Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours'.

 

H/T John Warden



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Duke Nukem Disease

June 29, 2009 16:37 by English Guy

Life living with Duke Nukem Disease – live as a first person shooter. If you’ve every played WOW, Quake or other first person shooting games, you can probably relate to this. Of course, this is a subliminal warning to one of my English Daughters!

 

Spotted at Attuworld.



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Fondling in Bed

June 29, 2009 12:26 by English Guy


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Paddy and Colleen

June 27, 2009 10:34 by English Guy

Paddy and Colleen were making passionate love in Paddy's mini van when

suddenly Colleen, being a bit on the kinky side, yells out "Oh big boy, whip

me, whip me!"

 

Paddy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did not

have any whips on hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opens the window,

snaps the antenna off his van and proceeds to whip Colleen until they both

collapse in ecstasy.

 

About a week later, Colleen notices that the marks left by the whipping are

starting to fester a bit so she goes to the doctor. The doctor takes one

look at the wounds and asks, "Did you get these marks having sex?"

 

Colleen, a little embarrassed that she has slept with Paddy [let alone that

she allowed the kinky boy to whip her] eventually admits that, yes, she did.

 

Nodding his head knowingly, the doctor exclaims, "I thought so, because in

all my years as a doctor you've got the worst case of van aerial disease

that I've ever seen"..

H/T to John The Baker for this groaner!



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